The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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