The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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