Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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