i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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