Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
