As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
