I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just googled if crying burns calories
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
