im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
