im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize