What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Say something about gay babies.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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