I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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