Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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