my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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