remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
