we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
