There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
