The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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