I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Randomize
