singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
