is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
