Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
