I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
