I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
