i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
