There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
