So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
