lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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