I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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