I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
