i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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