i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Two words: blizzard sex
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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