Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
