i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
