Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize