We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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