ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
