so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Pooping to opera.
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