In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
