Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
