hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
