sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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