I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize