your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize