there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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