ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
