Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize