My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
