Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
