One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
