There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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