i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
