I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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