I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Randomize
