we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
