Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
