I'm jealous of your bromance
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
