Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
