Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
