I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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