i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
