LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
