I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
