I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We are all done wearing pants today
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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