Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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