At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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