We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
