FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
