He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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