i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
