i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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