Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
