I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
