How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
