bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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