reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
